Tag Archive for 'depression'

罌粟花

你把我的罌粟花埋在何處
我的老心也可一拼陪葬
我的老心
看不見美麗的原野
戒不掉髮膚的香甜

有甚麼在心頭沸騰 我看著你的瞳孔
為何暮然變小

在這哭泣的森林
除了我的罌粟花
薔薇杜鵑 還有一千片花瓣
為甚麼都不懂說話

你把我的罌粟花埋在何處
我的老心也可一拼陪葬
我的老心也可戒掉笑靨

Share/Save/Bookmark

昏暗時刻

水杯可以擦乾
自己也可準備早餐
這只是我的老家 我的老家

這世界有沒有需要
這一生有沒有一秒
都不緊要吧

嬰兒似乎並無寂寞我執
天鵝也許沒有出軌企圖
都不緊要吧

在這世界的 昏暗時刻
除了抽一根涼菸
我們也可相約把頭顱打碎

Share/Save/Bookmark

夏之憂鬱

真固是個激情五月,未到七八月,天氣已經悶煞。連二十四節氣也無心去查,甚麼天氣,這小城越來越無季節之別、或是夏天已一舉攻陷秋冬春三季。過了周未周日,變熱得七素八葷,汗流浹背。光是坐著也要流汗,惡毒的太陽,聯合悶熱潮濕的空氣大舉進攻;下樓去買個便當,回到家後也得再換一件T,抱在手裡有汗水的重量。已有很多年沒試過一天洗三次澡,但即使如此,手臂大腿等總是不舒服:來自潮濕空氣那種揮之不去的黏膩。

那股厭倦感,揮之不去。實在不知怎樣對抗每天的浮光略影,每天重覆的生活,相同的對白、相同的火車路線、相同的地點、臉孔、作業,幾多外來東西,都打不進腦海。腦袋忽然不是自己的,又覺得它沉甸甸的,似乎陷入了半罷業狀態。我修為不夠,實不能從這些重覆性的生活找到一點小眼小眉的樂趣,或悟出甚麼。也許從不曾悟出過甚麼。

對這樣的生活越來越厭惡。連寫東西都覺得退步。等吧,等我瘋掉的一天,那時我便可放肆地活著吧。等到我重拾以前的輕狂,趕快結束這些行屍走肉的生活。

Share/Save/Bookmark

徒然なる日

The weather is gloomy today, include the dim sky, the god damed rain and cold air. And recently I don’t know what’s going on with my life, my dull life. And I caught my disappeared Angie again few days ago, it isn’t her, but her boyfried, the man tell me that she is in taiwan now, and at that time, I discovered something suddenly, actually I have no desire to know about her, as I have no desire to live with passion and pride, as few months ago.

At that time I felt I made a recovery finally after my previously harm.Today, I have no idea about this state exactly, maybe I am just sick of the weather, or just due to the god damned hormone.

all the ghost are come back again. The world is moving, rotating, all the littleness can affect nothing seems

Now listen:

[audio=http://dadazim.com/song/dailymayavi.mp3]

徒然なる日々なれど
曲.詞:Mayavi

何で生きてるのか 何で死んでくのか
なんて草や花 動物も皆、わからないまま
それでも精一杯ただただ必死に生きてる
繰り返す日々 堂々巡りの日常で
死ぬ為だけに生きてんじゃない
また生きる為に死んでくんだ
皆 そこに意味を探しながら

苦しいだけが人生じゃないけど
楽しいだけの人生もない
山あれば谷もある
海も空も僕もここにいるさ
逃げ出したい夜もあるだろうけど
明けない夜はない
だから僕らは明日に夢見て
歩いてく 歩いてく
景色と一緒に あの夏の思い出も色あせてく
消えないで 消えないで 願ってみても
思い出は泡の様に はじけてく

目をつむれば皆 そこにいて
耳をすませば 笑い声
手を伸ばせば触れそうなのに
目を覚ませば 一人きり
時に懐かしさと侘しさがこの胸しめつけるけれど
それでも僕ら夢見て歩いてく
歩いてく その景色と一緒に
あの夏の思い出も 色褪せてく
消えないで 消えないで と願ってみても
思い出は泡の様に はじけてくから
忘れない様に いつまでも ここで唄い続けてるよ 聞こえるかな

もしいつか この唄が届いたなら
あの頃みたく 一緒にまた笑えるかな
あの頃と変わらずに ふざけあったり
くだらない冗談とかも言い合えるかな

思い出は泡の様に すぐはじけちゃうから
忘れない様に 忘れない様に 唄うよ

Share/Save/Bookmark

Saturday Night is Blue

I know, I am struggling. I am suffer from something I cant clearly explain. Its the physically or mentally sickness, or both is, I dont know. After a conversation with Angie, what I can say? I still have to fight with the devil who is dress in blue, the sun will rise up tomorrow still. My personal hate, my personal love, my personal sentiment, still doesn’t matter for others. And I have no reason to go to die. If compare with her, i have my family, my safely home, and manythings she never own. I know, but I can’t control my emotional crash.

And I am losing control in this lately days, include the nightmare i had told you before, yes, something is wrong, and i don’t know what’s going on with me, and my world. I don’t think the problem is just “lonely”, its too simple, and this simple reason can’t suffer a person around the clock. My situation is very bad, I have no mood or motive to do what i love to do in my personal daily life. And I am writing now, and I know that I would make quiet a lot of grammar mistake, but I wont give the shit !! I am just a child, i am just a talented little child. I had been hurt by someone, I had really been hurt, and why i can’t just cry for this? Unfortunately I failed to cry in my every depression moments.

Tomorrow, yes, tomorrow is a new day. The devil will gone, as if a vampire afraid the sun light. I don’t want to trap by anyone, as i thought that when i was a child. I haven’t change indeed. My heart is warm still. And I choose to live, as I made the choice few years ago, when I am a teens, younger than now. I always make the same choice. Some of my friend choose to die, and i choose to continue this God damned life, and try to decrease the spell. The witch put a spell on me, and I am fighting with the spell of love.

Tomorrow is a new day.Tomorrow is a new day. We are beautiful people. We are beautiful people. Angie you are my salvation always. And you know what I mean.

Share/Save/Bookmark

Trickc or Treat

生命愛跟你開玩笑,一切都可以來得好突然,就像萬聖節時小孩子來拍門,然後跟你說句:「trickc or treat」,不給糖就搗蛋——問題是,我有甚麼可以給生命、或是命運呢?我甚麼都沒有,我在這場暴風裡能抓住的只有自己,而我害怕鬆手之後沒有上帝接住我,而是落得一個獨自粉身碎骨的下場。

活得那麼辛苦,卻都沒想過上帝、想過死神。祂們距離我很遠,我觸不到的東西。前陣子一個朋友跳樓自殺了,到現在這還似乎是一個故事——就像我也寫過很多故事,而當中也有些人的生命被收回,而之後就沒人再記取他們。

一切都可以來得好突然。你以為會一輩子的、會安定的,它的轉折位置卻可以比肥皂劇來得更兀突,一切就此失去、飄逝;從前的路人甲,今天卻能把酒言歡,談得開心、了解,甚至甜美。但一切,包括這篇文章的出現,都只因為修為不夠。那段枯萎得非常突然的關係,每天大概都能夠困擾我廿秒左右。

其實誰都知道再沒有一生一世的東西,誰都知道的,但也不應該去到一個甚麼都不去想明天的地步吧?那是失控,我也不去否認,我在失控。我不會為一些所謂的「前塵往事」(真是一個老土的名詞)而窒息,但如果說,我根本甚麼都不在意,又覺得自己太虛偽。我覺得自己老實在於,我承認自己的快樂、哀愁,慾望,很多東西。

為這些事,是不開心、但又哭不出來,更怕跟人傾訴——情況就像想打噴嚏,但打不出來一樣辛苦。

Share/Save/Bookmark

Assassination

I am watching a Assassination
the devil is dress in blue
seeking his victim on every street
like the mortal killed the Kenneydys
and people have to said that it is a tragedy.

Put a mark on our right hand
then our world become so colorless
the sun is fading, our heart is bleeding,
i can see thoes untraceable bubbles
ooze from our bullet wound

You are watching a Assassination
the devil is dress in depression
seeking his victim in every family
like the mortal killed the Kenneydys
and people have to said that it is a tragedy.

People said that its just the Depression
but the devil said that its the Assassination

Share/Save/Bookmark