Hell is in your mind

I never believe that there is a Hell where god is used to burn and trap us. I always feel that Hell is in my mind, in my soul and also my cell. When you are in a great sickness, Hell is where you are experiencing. Consciousness is always a battlefield for human beings. Lately I’ve got itch on my skin. I never know that itch can be so unendurable like that. It makes you want to commit suicide immediately. I have experienced few days of hard life with the problem. I even can’t sleep well because of that. I finally saw a doctor yesterday. I also got some pill and medicinal cream. The pill makes me really sleepy. However sleeping like a pig is what I desire the most.

Nevertheless I hate being misty. My brain has worked inefficiently lately because of bad sleeping in the past few days. I have been coming up with several ideas yet I am totally unable to spit it out. Being like a living dead is really strengthless, which makes me down. In the sickness I somehow lost my edge to the world, I don’t know how to deal with myself. Sickness ruins my emotion every time. Without the cool-headed mind you can’t even type a simple article.

I have been trapping in these health problems for so long, no matter it’s physical or mental one. I somehow live by pills. It looks really unhealthy but pills actually help me to finish the day. The first thing you should consider is how you spend your life today. Future will never come if you die right now. I believe that there are many definitions of “healthy life”. I am sick of those stereotype, “Christian” definition of “good life”. I love being myself, although sometimes it hurts.

image via stairway to hell

Tags | 憂鬱症, 英語文章, 身體疾病